Funny business

PAMIC: People Against Massages In Church

Tony Reinke Churchianity, Funny business

One of the first churches my wife and I attended was also home to a publicly cuddly wify type (a PCW). Right during the sermon—and often for the duration of the message!—this woman’s red fingernails were busy scratching away at the back of her husband’s neck, eventually twirling his hair, and then rubbing his shoulders, and then back to the scalp scratching. It became a one-handed, unending cycle of scratching, twirling, and rubbing.

I’m sure the husband enjoyed the sermon. But the public massage fest was distracting for the 20 rows of unfortunate spectators behind the couple. It is almost impossible not to notice this activity (red fingernail polish didn’t help). And following the sermon became an almost impossible task. I can imagine a letter from Screwtape to Wormwood on the importance of encouraging wives to massage at church.

All this to say, I have been personally effected by the spiritual distraction caused by massages in church. Today I sign the manifesto to join People Against Massages In Church (PAMIC). Join me, and together we can put an end to this disruptive practice.

Banner goes miniature. Banner goes gargantuan.

Tony Reinke BR > Banner of Truth, Funny business

tsslogo.jpgThe recent wave of releases from Banner of Truth added two books to my library – one the smallest book in my library, the second, the largest and heaviest book in my library.

Remember to lift with your legs when you pick up the mammoth, 100-ounce(!), Works of Andrew Fuller (Banner of Truth: 2007). And at 11.25-inches tall, it’s also the tallest book in my library. You can afford this volume by canceling your gym membership. You won’t need the gym. Just crisscross your arms over this tome on your chest while doing sit-ups. Guaranteed sculpted abs! Put this volume in a backpack and you’re ready for walking lunges. The Banner is one infomercial away from a real publishing breakthrough.

Which is funny because in the same box arrived a wee little 3-ounce book titled The Loveliness of Christ: Extracts from the Letters of Samuel Rutherford (Banner of Truth: 2007). Don’t judge this book by its density.

Here is a brief look at where these new Banner titles weigh into my library:

Heaviest books (single volumes)

  • 100 oz. – The Works of Andrew Fuller (Banner of Truth)
  • 71 oz. – A Christian Directory by Richard Baxter (Soli Deo Gloria)
  • 71 oz. – Systematic Theology by Robert Duncan Culver (Christian Focus)
  • 70 oz. – Archeological Study Bible (Zondervan)
  • 67 oz. – An Old Testament Theology by Bruce Waltke (Zondervan)
  • 62 oz. – An Exposition of Hosea by Jeremiah Burroughs (Reformation Heritage)
  • 57 oz. – Christ Crucified by James Durham (Naphtali Press)

Lightest books (each with weighty content, of course)

  • 7 oz. – The Truth of the Cross by R.C. Sproul (Reformation Trust)
  • 4 oz. – Christ Our Mediator by C.J. Mahaney (Multnomah)
  • 3 oz. — The Loveliness of Christ by Samuel Rutherford (Banner of Truth)

Both fresh Banner titles look great and please join us later in the week when we look at them individually. But tomorrow we look at Waltke’s new 67-ounce, An Old Testament Theology (Zondervan: 2007).

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